absences are my thing

It has been way too long since I've posted, I got down to 133 which was great, but then I started getting weirdly emotional and unhappy and eating a ton and it was like I just couldn't pull myself together! My job at a bake shop isn't helping any either. But I think I'm am making a turn around, I've gotten all the way back to 142 which actually makes me cry, but I have a new goal and a new system and I'm working hard. I am going to train for a 5k, then move on to a 10k, then my dad and I are going to run in this San Fransisco run thing! I am excited to have a solid goal that comes with a strict work out plan to burn calories! Plus I get to have some father daughter time. Water Polo will be ending in about a month and I am soooo ready. Lately I have not been enjoying it at all and it has actualy caused me to eat more and gain more weight because I am unhappy. My unhappiness has also led to other absences besides my break from this blog, I missed school today do to illness, I ditched most of Friday, and I haven't gone to tons of polo practices. but oh well, I'm hoping my new regiment will get me back on track! Good luck to anyone else trying to lose!

I love good work outs! Today's water polo practice was a great workout and I feel sooo good! Also this weekend I was at a church retreat where I did very well food wise and ran and swam every morning. All went well till Sunday afternoon when we went out to Mexican. I got depressed from breaking my good streak and ate a ton all afternoon while doing my homework. I can't get under 136.8! Tomorrow morning I'll weigh in again and see if I have lost any with my good workouts and low-cal diet, although I ate some trail mix at my friend's house this afternoon before practice AND some pizza. FUCK! oh well, I didn't eat much the rest of the day, just fruit and low-cal yogurt so I'm hoping my work out pays off. I want to feel confident in my jeans this weekend so I need to cut back on everything.

that fat girl

I hate feeling bigger than everyone else. Like guys would rather be with my friends than me and that they only invite the fat girl to the party cus she's got hot friends. I hate it. soooo much. I want to be thin more than anything. I will have to fight temptation tomorrow when people go out for fast food after my water polo game and then again this weekend when I'll be at a church retreat and only have certain unhealthy foods available. mahhhh well, I shall just not eat! Plus I'll bring my own food. Well good luck to anyone else fighting temptation!

Daily thinspo #9

Someday I want to be able to curl up in bed with my special guy and not be afraid of crushing him or making him uncomfortable with my weight. When I'm thin I want to feel small in a man's arms, fragile and delicate, something to be held and protected and loved. I love how this girl is part way on top of her guy without fearing her arm is too heavy or something. Someday, I will be tiny enough to possess that confidence. Until then, I will have my dear friend Ana to support me. I don't own this picture.

The dreaded pizza.

Pizza is greasy, covered, in cheese and other high calorie toppings, not to mention it is all packed on high calorie bread and take no time to eat making you feel as though you've eaten less than you actually have. Like soda, burgers, hot dogs, and all those other high-calorie american foods, pizza is handed out left and right at parties, sporting events, practically force-fed to you at ever opportunity. Today I met this devil at my water polo practice, a place I thought of as safe from al calorie intake. I ate TWO SLICES! Because it was dinner time, I had just burned a lot of calories, and I was tired as all hell. I digested somewhere between 900 and 1000 calories today because after that pizza ruined my day, I wisely consumed a nectarine, a banana with peanut butter, and even some crackers with salsa! I have plateaued recently and have been the same weight for a couple of days, around 137.4 pounds. I'm hoping to eat as little as possible tomorrow especially since I won't be at home and as long as I don't bring food with me to my water polo game, I should be reasonably safe. Here's hoping! Good luck everyone!

Daily thinspo #8

Someday I want to have enough confidence in how my backside looks to lead a guy by the hand while wearing shortie shorts. I love this girls style and her confidant aura, plus her guy's awfully attractive looking! Here's to confidence and sexy legs! I don't own this picture.

My little bit of sanity.

So it has been a few days, but I have met my first goal! I am 137.4 pounds and I wanted to be at 138 by today! I am feeling pretty good and hope to keep up the weight loss to reach my next goal of 132 by Friday. This weight loss is keeping me sane at the moment because most everything else in my life is not going too great. One of my guy friends has kind of turned on me, my girl friend is getting caught up in a guy and is fast leaving me behind, and my other girlfriend seems angry and depressed all the time. My water polo skills are lacking although the team is easily the other thing keeping my spirits up right now. My parents are not fighting too much lately, but that hasn't kept my mom and I from fighting like cats and dogs! Oh well, I'm getting thinner and in shape and I am reading a really good book called The Help which is helping me think about other people's troubles instead of my own. I hope everyone else can find their little bits of sanity in their worlds and hold on to them! Good luck with whatever you're doing with your life!